kevenjacobs2

My name is Keven. Yes, Keven. Like the boy's name... For those that know me, you know I'm opinionated, outspoken, and one of a kind. I'm here to share my opinions, the lessons I've learned and things that are on my mind. This is an unflitered account of what I'm up to. I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings, or gain anyone's approval. I'm here to write. If you don't like it, leave. If you do, click subscribe and stay awhile.

The Top 1 Reason Why All Articles Have Been Reduced to Lists

1. Generation-Y is lazy.

Yeah, I said it. Not only are we lazy, we have the attention span of goldfish…. Writing has been reduced to lists because we cannot focus long enough to read more than a sentence at a time without receiving a 3 word text message or getting a Facebook notification consisting of incomplete and grammatically incorrect sentences.

We have been brought up to seek instant gratification, and in a world that moves so quickly, we couldn’t POSSIBLY be expected to read an article with more than 3 sentences per paragraph even though we’re glued to our smart phones 28 hours a day.

We want to read an article in less than 5 minutes (and let’s face it, even that is a stretch considering the majority of Gen-Y prefers not to read at all). We want to know what to expect, therefor, articles have been reduced to a quick list of the top reasons for *insert subject of lame article here*.

In this day and age, writing consists no longer of compelling arguments, flowery word choice, and anything with a legitimate point or purpose, a writer, like myself, has no reason to have talent anymore; it’s about what causes the most BUZZ.

There is no story here. No way to create an emotional reaction. No beginning, middle or end. No reason to further education or expand your creative muscles because at the end of the day, writing for an organization who exclusively publishes lists in place of legitimate articles, does not require talent. They require 10 fingers, fast typing and half a brain.

I was guilty of it too, both writing and reading said lists to conform to yet another one of society’s recent slumps. But I am taking a stand against lists.

Why? Because I refuse for my talent to be reduced to a list. I refuse to succumb to the “time-saving” of said lists, because in reality, it isn’t saving time. It’s wasting time. Why read some bullshit article about the top 10 most shocking Miley Cyrus moments when there are things happening every day that amount to more?

We need to be better. We have been watered down, washed up and reduced to seeking the most attention, with the smallest amount of effort, using the most despicable means.

This doesn’t have to be the future… We still have time to change.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Photo Credit: www.streetandstage.com.

Advice? for Andrew

There has been emotional/relationship inspiration and advice on here so far;however, I was expecting to see more of what influences you as a creative idealist. You’ve created a blog and I know a few people attempting to express themselves in a variety of forms through the same means. My questions I hope get answered from the heart and inspire these people.

When expressing yourself, what are some tips and tricks to letting yourself freely talk? What gives you the inspiration to give the honesty truth and be real about whatever advice is asked? Are you ever vague out of respect? There is an endless supply of advice and topics to throw at you but besides the random questions what area would you feel most comfortable to attack and confront?

Your advice and insight into your own world could certainly inspire others. With that said I do not doubt you will give these questions the full amount of yourself they deserve.

Thank you and wish the best of luck for you in whatever it is you strive towards in doing this.

Dear Andrew,

First off, I want to thank you for this submission. One of the reasons I had originally wanted to pursue the Need Advice? portion of the blog was to help inspire me and also to challenge me. I wanted these submissions to work my creative muscles just a little bit past my comfortability. So far (and nothing against the other submissions, of course), I have received mostly requests for advice on relationships. While I respect this, and can understand that relationships are most definitely complex, confusing and sometimes consuming (sadly), that is not what I intended this blog to be about.

Inspiration, for me and I’m sure for other creative individuals, comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I find it hard to sit down and focus on something long enough to crank out a post, because it feels forced. Sometimes it will hit my on my lunch break, which is a total downer, because the initial wave has long since settled by the time I make it back to my keyboard. Unfortunately, this is how working a 9 to 5 (or in my case 7 – 3:30) works. It sucks that passion right out of our grasp, and doesn’t allow, much less encourage time to pursue anything else. It will hit me while driving, while discussing daily events via the shitty cell phone connection at my apartment (thanks a lot, T-Mobile), while scrolling through people’s Facebook status updates. I’ve learned that I have a lot to say, and there’s a lot that sparks my interest, but I’m still learning how to ignite the fire, especially after a long day.

When actually sitting down to write a post, whether that be a request for advice or a random topic that hit me on my lunch break 3 weeks previous, I just write. Straight through. I will lightly scan through to make sure there are no obvious spelling or grammatical errors, and then I will post it. I hardly EVER edit. I find that if I sit down and read too much into the post I’ve just written, I pick it apart, switch things around and end up sounding robotic, which is the opposite of what I want to sound like. I’m sure all of my fellow writers are scoffing at this, and all my high school English teachers would die reading that confession, but I don’t like to edit. I think one of my strengths in my writing is my ability make others hear my voice while reading my words, which makes it so much more relatable. And editing, in my opinion, completely kills that voice.

As far as the ability or the inspiration to be completely honest…. That was instilled in me from childhood. I don’t lie. In fact, I have a very hard time doing so. I was raised to believe honesty is the best policy, and I feel wrong if I’m dishonest. If I were asking someone for advice, I wouldn’t want them to lie to me for the sake of tiptoeing around my feelings. I want a straight up answer, which is what I give to anyone asking advice from me. Some people don’t like that. I can appreciate that. But remember the golden rule? “Treat others how you wish to be treated.” How would my advice help anyone if it wasn’t honest?

In terms of comfortability in a certain topic, I’m not sure I do have an area of expertise. I have experience dabbling in a lot of little things, I have a lot of opinions and I’ve done a lot of research. But I’m not an expert in really anything; I’m too young to be any sort of expert. I just appreciate the opportunity to expand my knowledge, my creativity, and hopefully help someone out in doing so.

I hope this answers your questions. I greatly appreciate the depth of your questions, the time it took you to ask such meaningful questions, and the fact that you cared to see what my honest answers were. This definitely provided me with inspiration, gave me a bit of a challenge, and provided me with an interesting topic to tackle. I’d say even though it’s a few months late, it was much needed.

Advice for Confused for Days

Hey all! I’ve been MIA for awhile, and I apologize once again. As I touched on in Nervous Tension: Dealing with Anxiety, change is very hard for me, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of it lately. I’ll keep it short and sweet, so that I can (finally) get back to Mr. Confused for Days, but I just moved into my very first apartment at the end of June!! I started a new position at work about two weeks ago, my father moved to find work in another state, and I’ve started changing my eating habits and exercise routine. I also managed to SOMEHOW snag a boyfriend. So you could say things have been kind of crazy for me over the last few months, and now that the dust has settled – at least a little bit – I’m back!

I received request for advice about three months ago, and it’s quite possible Mr. Confused for Days may have give up on me. But I did want to post it because over the last few months, I’ve been getting really tired of the bar scene and I do think that our generation struggles to meet people for a number of reasons. So here we go!

For someone who doesn’t frequent the bar scene or go to a traditional university, how do I meet women? Most my hobbies are either outdoor exercising activities or involved with cars?

Dear Confused for Days,

I don’t think you’re the only one wondering this exact same thing. Truthfully, even those that are frequent bar hoppers probably ask themselves the same question. The truth is, meeting someone at a bar isn’t even REMOTELY appealing, for most people. And for most people, the intent is not to find a serious boyfriend or girlfriend when going out for a night on Mill Avenue.

Becuase our generation is so reliant on technology to fill the gaps in social scenes, and we grew up behind screens (be that TV, computer, or cell phone), we are much different that previous generations, and it has hindered us in opportunities where we might meet new people. This is something I’ll go more in depth in a future post, but you’re very right in thinking your interests will have something to do with meeting women.

By doing things that you love, you’re able to fulfill your own interests, and live passionately, while creating more opportunity to meet someone with common interests. This is important, because you do want someone with similar hobbies, so that you’re able to do things together. Plus, it makes for an easy and hopefully painless first date.

I did a little research to answer YOU specifically. Since you’re into cars, I’d recommend keeping an eye out for car shows, and get a group of friends to go with you. You could also look into gocart racing, or go see a NASCAR race, if you’re into that.

As far as your interests in outdoor exercise activities, hiking is the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t know if you’re into moutain biking or road biking, but Phoenix has a lot of culture in both areas and both would be a good way to meet new people. Keep an eye out for things like Tour de Fat, which they do annually in Tempe and it’s a lot of fun.

Just keep in mind as you’re doing these things that you love to be open and mindful of your surroundings. Take the chance and approach a woman that seems interesting, and if you’re weary on how to do so with confidence, check out the advice I gave to Mr. False Confidence.

Hope this helps, Confused for Days. Good luck in your pursuit to meet women!

Advice for Miss Anticipation

I’ve received quite a few requests for advice over the past month or so while I’ve been MIA. This one actually helped me to wake up a little bit.

“Why don’t you blog any more? I know you don’t commit yourself to blogging regularly…but I was definitely looking forward to a new post about something clever or relatable.”

Dear Miss Anticipation,

I am completely flattered by your submission and I want to start off by apologizing to you. I am so grateful to know that there are people out there who want to hear what I have to say, and I’m sorry I’ve taken some extended time off from my blog.

To explain myself, you need to know that I’ve been dealing with some heavy things in my personal life. Normally, I love to talk things out; that’s how I get through rough times. For some reason, this time, in dealing with all my stress, I’ve sort of stepped back and tried to deal with it internally; I think this was a huge mistake and caused me to lose myself and my strength for a bit.

I won’t go into full detail, but I am currently in the process of signing my first lease – I’ll be (FINALLY!) moving out of my parents’ house. This is a big step for me. Those that know me know that the last time I attempted to move out of my parents’ house, was when my anxiety got the best of me, and I ended up quitting my job, leaving college, and going DEFCON 1. Going into apartment searching and making the commitment, I thought I’d be completely fine. I mean, I’m much better at handling my stress these days…

Shortly after making the commitment to sign the lease, I found out my job may be in jeopardy. Keep in mind, there are minute details that cause my stress level to fluctuate. Any little thing takes a lot of energy for me to process. When you stack everything up, and put it on my plate, I go into full melt down mode. My stress level causes me to be unable to focus, and therefore, not putting my all into my daily responsibilities at work and in my personal life.

In addition, a few weeks ago, I learned that my dad was considering moving out of state to find work. I’ve mentioned this breifly in previous posts, but my father has had some struggles over the past few years. After leaving a company he’d worked at for 25 years, he decided to start his own business. A few years after that, when the economy went south, he lost the business, and has since gotten a degree in education to be a high school math teacher. This didn’t pan out the way we had planned, and he is currently trying to find a job in his area of expertise – which is construction. In Arizona, the opportunities just are not there. He’s tried for months to find openings, but he’s marketing skills that the economy here is not willing to pay for. Seeing his struggle, the stress it puts on my family, causes me to carry this, myself.

My father just made it official the other day that he would be planning on moving to Idaho – where a lot of my family lives, to pursue work there. I am elated and so proud of this decision, because I do think it will be best for my family. But with my anxiety, I spend a lot of time worrying about not being able to spend time with him. He’s my buddy. I’ll miss him dearly, but for some reason, when he broke the news, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.

All of this, my personal issues, in dealing with processing so many things all at once, is part of a learning experience. It’s helping me grow, helping me to be a stronger person. I’m a huge believer in “everything happens for a reason.” And all of this needed to happen so that I could learn to exercise strength, and better handle stress.

With all of that being said, you must know that I didn’t mean to avoid my blog. In fact, I think my blog would have provided an escape. But dealing with these things all at once, also exhausts me. I shied away because I don’t like being vulnerable, and all of this is a very touchy subject for me, so please be gentle, and try not to judge.

I’m dealing the best I know how, and I will make a commitment to post more often, and to address the people who have asked me for advice. While I may not commit to a certain number of posts per month, please know that this is my passion, my escape. This is what I’m good at, and what I want to get better at. Writing is my calling; the best thing I can do. And if I can help others while helping myself, that’s all I’ll ever need.

I want to thank all of my loyal readers, yet again, for the overwhelming support and for your patience in me, during this difficult time.

I went to Sedona yesterday, to find my happy place, and to center myself. I can safely say that I’m back, and I will be posting here soon. I have a lot of ideas, a ton of inspiration, and plenty of advice to share with you all.

Thank you, again.

Advice for Mr. False Confidence

I received my first “Need Advice?” form this week, after my post about dealing with anxiety. It was filled out anonymously (I’ve decided to call him ‘Mr. False Confidence’), and I’m not sure if it’s completely factual, or if it was completely made up. That’s beside the point, because it posed a very good question. I’m glad whoever took the time to write this reached out because I’m sure the vast majority of young adults are going through or have been through a situation similar to this. I, myself, have experienced this a few times. So I’m excited to share my response with y’all. Below is the message I received:

“What do I do if every time I try to speak to a woman the conversation/message is never continued past the first few words. I like to think I’m the shit? Not in a pompous or arrogant way – I just like myself – no one seems to feel the same way – I have loads of friends and live a pretty healthy social life. I make GREAT money where I am at and feel I’m pretty successful for working at a Forbes associated company at the age of 21. I talk to them and blehhh happens. I don’t think a girl has ever crushed on me or liked me. Even all the relationships I’ve had I feel they haven’t REALLY liked me. It’s an odd life I live. The only problem I’d imagine I have is that I’m like 6’3 and 230 pounds so I’m like 20 pounds overweight but I carry it well… idk maybe I’m just asking to hear “nah man – you just have to wait for the right one” but I figure that everyone else has experienced these things in life and I haven’t. The feeling of being wanted as just more than a friend. All I want in life is a companion to travel – love – and enjoy. Fml hahaha”

Dear Mr. False Confidence, I want to start by saying what I’ve gathered about you from your short message. I noticed you started by being overly confident, then quickly revealed that you do have some insecurities, both blatantly, and between the lines (hence the name I gave you…no offense, of course). I can tell that you’re happy in some areas of your life, but there are things you wish to improve. Which at 21, I’d say is a pretty good spot to be. Hell, I’m only two years older than you, and I’m sittin’ in about the same spot as you. Now, I’m certainly no expert on dating, or relationships. I’m about as awkward as they come, especially when talking to someone new. But I know exactly how you feel, as I’m sure most of the readers do. Basically, you seem like you have some of your ducks in a row, but there’s still some things you want.

“The only problem I’d imagine I have is that I’m like 6’3 and 230 pounds so I’m like 20 pounds overweight but I carry it well…”

The fact that you came out and said this is a “problem” makes it a problem. Personally, I don’t give a shit whether you hit the gym or not. It’s all in the way you carry yourself. If you’re not happy with your weight, you’ll carry yourself that way, and people can sense your insecurity. That manifests, and affects your body language, and the way you act and speak to a woman. We LOVE confidence. Now, I didn’t say cockiness. ‘Cause I can’t stand a cocky guy. Confidence is quiet, subtle, and extremely sexy. So you have to decide – if your weight is something you’re unhappy with, sign up at a gym, start eating healthier. Make the commitment to better the way you feel, for yourself, not for anyone else. If you don’t mind a little extra poundage, then I say screw the shallow girls. You have to either learn to accept yourself the way you are, or change it.

“I talk to them and blehhh happens. I don’t think a girl has ever crushed on me or liked me. Even all the relationships I’ve had I feel they haven’t REALLY liked me.”

I’m calling bullshit on this. There’s at least one girl, somewhere, that has liked you or currently does like you. But it seems to me, that you may be chasing the ones that are friendzoning you or even full-on writing you off.. Meanwhile, you’re probably friendzoning her, or she’s feeling the same way as you – insecure and afraid to talk to you. I see this happen far too often. You are going after the wrong girls. Period. The end. Now, as for the actual part where you initiate conversation. Regardless of your setting, you need to make sure you’re comfortable. As comfortable as you can be in this situation… By this, I mean, make sure you’re happy in your own skin when you confront a lady. Again, that quiet confidence is going to help a ton. BE COOL. Keep it casual. Don’t be overbearing (by the way, I sure hope you’re not talking about initiating first time conversation via social media…I’ll come back to this point). Before you approach her, make sure she’s aware of your presence; you don’t want to freak her out. A good sign she’s interested, is she’ll keep looking in your direction, and making eye contact. Once you do get a conversation started, make sure to keep it relatively short and light hearted, and watch her body language. Girls tend to twirl their hair and play with their jewelry when they’re interested. Another good sign would be how she’s sitting, or standing in relation to you. If you notice her body is turned more towards the door, you’re done. But girls tend to cross their legs when they’re interested, and it’s a good sign if her top leg is pointed in your direction. (Side note: don’t pay so much attention to these signs that you’re not listening to her… that’ll get awkward FAST.) Let her do most of the talking, if possible. And try to make jokes. Girls like jokes; just make sure it’s not overly sexual or super offensive. If this is taking place at a bar, or maybe the grocery store, or somewhere you may not see her again, judge the above-mentioned signs, and if they’re looking like things are in your favor, ask for her number. When you do score her number, do not, I REPEAT, do not text her right away. Again, play it cool. Let her sweat a bit. If you’re talking to someone you already know, and will see again, the same signs apply. The scenario should move a bit slower, though. Have a couple of casual conversations. Continue to say hello in passing. Make sure you don’t come off too strong, but don’t hold back too long so that she thinks you’re not interested. Then she’ll feel dumb. After a few of the casual run-ins, hopefully you’ve been able to narrow down something the two of you might have in common. Use that to your advantage. At this point, you’ll want to ask her out. If possible, try to do it in person, but a text or Facebook message would suffice. But be creative. Find something fun that both of you could do together. Don’t just say, “hey, wanna grab a drink?” Impress her with something more original. Now as for the social media conversations, Mr. False Confidence. It’s almost NEVER OKAY to initiate conversation with someone you don’t know via social media, at least in my opinion. Don’t just go around adding girls and messaging them something stupid like “Hey, beautiful,” especially if you don’t know how to spell. This is creepy… REALLY creepy. And if you’ve done that in the past, and she hasn’t answered you back, now you know why. If you do happen to add someone you don’t know, and you get a conversation flowing, just remember one thing: they have a TV show about these kinds of relationships. It’s called Catfish, and it’s horribly disturbing. Think twice. Now to wrap things up, Mr False Confidence, you may still have some time before you do find that “right girl.” Trust me, I feel your frustration on that. But these things take practice, and you and I both still have lots of personal development ahead of us. Don’t get discouraged; you seem nice enough. But we’re young. You’ve got a lot going for you, and as soon as you stop over thinking things, and sending negative energy into the universe about your non-existent relationships, you may just stumble across someone that this all comes naturally with. Be patient, my friend. As for me, I’m going to hang out with my cat, and eat some Oreos. Good luck.

Nervous Tension: Dealing with Anxiety

I’m anxious writing this… Took me over an hour to figure how to begin this post all because I deal with anxiety.

I’ve struggled with anxiety ever since I was a tiny little human. I used to have a street that I called the “nervous street” that was the home stretch to my elementary school. I’d feel my body tense, and my heart rate increase. Some days, I’d even try to convince my mom that I was sick, so I didn’t have to face a school where I felt I didn’t fit in and had very few friends because I was so shy.

My anxiety peaked when I turned 19. My world had already shifted slightly through high school as I was dealing with teen angst, high pressure in my classes, and my dad losing a business due to the recession. But when I turned 19, my whole world was turned upside down, and being a victim of frequent panic attacks, I’m not very susceptible to change.

I turned 19, and decided I couldn’t handle the pressure of moving out of my parents’ house, and in with my serious boyfriend of roughly 4 years. I broke up with him, because I was unsure of what I wanted. I quit my job, dropped out of college, and started making poor decisions.

I was put on anti-depressants, which was frequently thrown back in my face by my so-called friends. I felt like I had lost my mind, and it didn’t help that I had people calling me crazy. It also didn’t help that I was mixing my medication with various substances, including a high volume of alcohol. The two together is a toxic combination.

After a few very rocky years, I’ve been able to separate myself from the people bringing me down; I ended dysfunctional relationships, I put distance between the people who weren’t true friends and myself. I stopped drinking so much, and was able to come off my medication. I pushed myself to get a full time job at an incredible company, with so much opportunity for growth. I’ve mended my relationship with my parents and my sister. I started believing in myself again.

It’s been a long road, and in no way has it been easy. It’s still extremely difficult to get through some days. And I still have a long way to go.

So why am I sharing this? I’ve had some low days lately. I know that we all go through hard times. I wanted to share this with all of you, so that you know that you’re not alone in this. It always makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one, that I’m not insane. I might deal with a more extreme case of anxiety than some, or maybe slightly less than others. But we’ve all dealt with that moment when we don’t know if we can keep pushing through.

I’ve found so many things that help alleviate some of my daily angst. Here are some of my coping methods:

1. Planning.

I make lists. All the damn time. It helps me to see the things I need to accomplish, and writing them out helps the tension. And the sense of peace I feel when I cross something off that list is something that can’t be beat.

2. Writing.

Doing something that I’m good at ALWAYS helps. Writing sometimes makes me anxious, but in a good way. Creating something takes my mind out of the constant spin, and helps me to focus on something positive. This is different for everyone, but as long as you’re doing something you’re passionate about will create the same outcome.

3. Yoga/meditation.

I’m not going to pretend that I am religious about yoga, but I’ve done it quite a few times, and it’s always proven to help stop the spinning. I meditate whenever I can’t stop thinking. Before bed usually. It eases my mind, and doesn’t make the thoughts go away, but it helps me confront them head on.

4. Positive thinking.

I will preach this to NO end. Positive thoughts attract positive occurrences. It’s impossible to ALWAYS think positive, but being aware of negative thoughts can help begin your change in thought. Removing the toxic negative energy will help to feel more at ease.

 5. Being productive.

I’ve had so many weekends where I’m too down to get up. But by staying on the couch for two straight days, I’ve found it only makes it worse. It’s hard to push yourself to get up, get out and do something you enjoy, but being productive takes the focus off what you’re spinning about, and on furthering yourself.

 

 

One of the biggest things I’ve learned in dealing with anxiety is that you’re a product of your environment. Surround yourself with good friends, good music, good food. Do the things that make you tick, remember to breathe. Think positive, and if you EVER feel alone, reach out to a good friend and don’t be afraid to let it all out. Remember: we’re all a little crazy.

6 Facebook Faux Pas

“Yet high over the city our line of yellow windows must have contributed their share of human secrecy to the casual watcher in the darkening streets, and I was him too, looking up and wondering. I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.”

As I was watching the Great Gatsby this afternoon, I heard the above mentioned quote. Such a beautiful quote. Upon hearing it, I was completely aware of its meaning in context, and what it meant in modern life. I knew that as Nick Carraway was narrating the scene where he’s an attendee at a party inside this apartment, he’s looking on into the other apartments. I knew that he was witnessing other people’s secrets beyond their “yellow windows.” And I knew that he was feeling that though he was included in this party, he felt an outsider because he didn’t agree with what was going on inside their own “yellow window.”

While he was comparing himself to this onlooker, outside on the darkened street corner, I realized that I, too, feel that I’m an onlooker. I’m very observant, and I often notice my surroundings, and the events taking place for other people who happen to share the same environment, but are experiencing completely different things.

It’s crossed my mind a lot, that Facebook has made us all onlookers. How we feel more comfortable staying in touch with someone from behind a screen, so that we can edit the things we say before we say them, retouch photos of us to hide our so-called “flaws,” and create this image of who we are based on an online profile. We share too much, or not enough, and we’ve all become so consumed in what other’s are doing.

Not to mention, checking my Facebook pisses me off on a regular basis. From the first world problem statuses, to the negative energy, the “I love my boyfriend” posts, and the vague “I’m going to post this so that people ask me what’s really going on and then not tell anyone publicly.”

Credit: The Manila Survival Guide

Credit: The Manila Survival Guide

That right there pretty much sums up my thought process when I’m doing my morning Newsfeed prowl, first thing after waking up. And I don’t think that’s what Facebook should be.

In pondering this, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are 6 types of Facebooking to avoid:

1.”Vaguebooking”

Credit: Miss KL Blog

Credit: Miss KL Blog

Why on Earth, would you post a status inviting people to care about what’s going on in your personal life if you’re not going to feed our nosy, overly curious asses? That’s just unfair. And at some point, your “BFF” is going to tell someone who will tell someone else, who’ll spill what happened two weeks later in a drunken gossip sesh at the bar ANYWAY.

2. The Double Whammy

Credit: Funny Junk

Credit: Funny Junk

Sometimes I impress  myself with how “punny” I can be. I couldn’t decide what was worse with this one: The fact that it’s completely embarrassing that this was posted at all, or that it was posted by TWO girls back to back… (And the grammar in the comments makes me cringe). Enough with the stupid overgeneralizations, girls. No, not all guys are the same, and posting crap like that makes you LESS appealing to your potential Facebook suitors. Quit with the bitching about being single, and your boy problems. And stay farrrr away from posting something similar to what someone JUST posted 5 minutes ago. Wait a few months, then copy and paste the crap out of it.

3. Selfies

I’m a frequent offender, here. In my defense, I will say, there’s no shame in an occasional selfie. But we all know what you look like by now, or what your favorite filter makes you look like, and I’m pretty sure the majority of us don’t care to see three selfies of you in one day.

4. The BreakUp Post

Credit: PB Nation

Credit: PB Nation

Awwww I’m sorry you and your on again, off again girlfriend broke up, again….I’m sure you’re absolutely heartbroken. Until she comes back a week later and you start dating all over again.

Sidenote: If you’re in one of “those” relationships, don’t bother changing your Relationship Status every time you get into a fight. After this happens multiple times, we either don’t care, or we only care because we enjoy watching things like train wrecks and downward spirals like Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan.

5. Attention Seeking Behavior

Credit: Mashable.com

Credit: Mashable.com

I guess selfies could be put in this category, too. But I think it’s far worse to fish for a compliment, or brag about the 72 compliments you got on your hair, even though “you look terrible today!” on a status update. Spare me.

6. The Joint Facebook Account

Credit: Mashable.com

Credit: Mashable.com

There is rarely a reason for a conjoined Facebook. The reason they only ask for ONE first and last name, is because it’s meant to be for ONE person. I can’t decide what’s worse: posting about your trust issues in your relationship via status update, or confirming for all by creating a Facebook page for the both of you. Gag.

 

 

These are just a few Facebook crimes, and trust me there’s many more. All I ask, is the next time you’re sharing with the world “what’s on your mind,” please remember to use your brain before you hit “post.” We’re all able to see inside your “yellow window” and we’re all silently judging.

*** As much as I wanted to take photos straight from my own news feed, I refrained so that I don’t get flooded with hate mail… If you were offended by this post, you might be committing one or all of these crimes, and I’m sorry? if I hurt your feelings. These images were taken from OTHER sites to ensure that I don’t completely isolate myself, in hopes that we can continue being “Facebook friends.”

23 Things I’ve Learned Over 23 Years

I remember when I turned 19, pretty vividly. I thought I knew it all. Now I’ve realized, the more you think you know everything, the less you actually know.

Now I’m about to turn 23, and I know I still have so many questions unanswered. So many things to learn. But as my birthday nears, I’ve started to think about the things I have learned. The progress I’ve made. The things I’ve accomplished.

I decided to make a list of things I’ve learned over my 23 years, in hopes that y’all can relate, or maybe even learn something new. This is in no way saying I’m an expert on life. I mean, come on, I’m practically still an infant. Should be interesting to see what I’ll learn over the next 23 years. When I’ll be 46. Now there’s a scary thought.

Anyways, enjoy:

(1) “Love is all you need.” On the surface, the Beatles song may seem kind of shallow. But love is the key to a fulfilling life. Showing love, feeling love, living love is necessary. Love is positive energy. It’s the law of attraction. Positive attracts positive. So in order to have the life you want, you have to show love.

 (2) Happiness is a choice. Just like a positive mindset. It’s very easy to get caught up in the negatives, and the complaining. It takes practice to think positive, but it makes a huge difference.

(3) Change is the only constant in life. Everything changes. All the time. Accepting that change is inevitable saves a lot of time and energy. Let go of what was, accept what is, and embrace what will be.

(4) Find your passion. Pursue it. Life is too short to waste it with anything less.

Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do” -Rumi

(5) Life is not a popularity contest. Stop trying to impress. I can count on one hand my truest, and greatest friends, and that’s okay with me. It’s quality that matters, not quantity. Being well liked is nice, but that’s inevitable if you’re genuine, if you’re honest, and if you treat others with respect.

(6) Fear is a waste of energy. As a person living with anxiety disorder, this sounds pretty funny coming from me. But why waste your time worrying about things you cannot change? Being scared only wastes your energy; it will not prevent the inevitable, and more times than not, you’re scared of something that may not even happen.

(7) Gossip. It doesn’t make you feel any better about yourself, and it actually says more about you than the person you’re talking about. Why talk about what someone else is doing, when you could be doing something to better yourself.

Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.” –Mean Girls

(8) Break ups. They’re necessary. It’s very rare to find your person on the first try. How would you know the right one, if you haven’t dated the wrong one? They might be painful, but they should not be avoided. Speaking from experience, it’s better to break up and feel the pain in that temporarily, than to continue on suffering for an unknown amount of time.  On the other side, don’t avoid a break up for the other person’s benefit. You’re only hurting them.

(9) Relationships, or as I like to call them, relation-shits. While we’re on that subject, do not let anyone make you lose sight of your own value. And ditch the one-sided relationships. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

(10) Honesty. One of the most respectable qualities in a person is honesty. Enough said.

(11) Always follow your intuition. Listen to that little voice in your head. Your gut is right almost 100% of the time. Unless you struggle with anxiety, in which case, you tend to over think. See #12.

(12) Over analyzing never helps anything. By thinking too much, I find that I create problems that didn’t exist in the first place.

(13) SLOW DOWN. What’s the hurry? Life is not a race; everyone has their own timeline.  Your time for that dream job, your perfect person, and a family will come. Until then, enjoy the ride.

Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” -John De Paola

(14) You cannot please everyone. There’s always going to be someone with something to say. You’ll spread yourself too thin by trying to make everyone else happy.

(15) Do not say yes to someone else, if that means you’re saying no to yourself. Don’t let people take advantage of you. Think of others, but don’t forget to think about yourself. It’s okay to be a little selfish once in a while.

(16) Your parents are your best friends, your biggest fans, and the ones with your very best interest at heart. As I get older, I appreciate my family more and more. It’s hard to think that there was a time where we didn’t get along. I can’t imagine not having them in my life, and I’m so thankful to have such amazing, loving, giving, and inspiring parents. And I hate to say it, Mom and Dad, but you were almost always right.

(17) Words have more power than you know. If you say something hurtful, that will stay with someone. I still remember things girls said to/about me in 8th grade. They’ll never understand the damage they did, and they may not even remember. Being a writer, I know the affect words can have. Think before you say things. You may say something you’ll one day regret.

(18) Forgiveness is healthy. Sometimes forgiveness is more important for yourself than for the apologizing party. And sometimes, the person that should be doing the apologizing may not. But learn to forgive. It’s not healthy to harbor hate, to harbor resentment. Learn to let go.

(19) Celebrate your uniqueness. Being different is a GOOD thing. Embrace your flaws and love yourself for who you are. Chances are, people will love you for your true self too. And if they don’t, screw ‘em. They don’t matter anyway.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t  mind.” -Dr. Seuss

(20) Don’t judge others. It doesn’t feel good when you’re being judged, so why do that to someone else? Chances are you don’t have the first idea about the person you’re judging, anyway.

(21) Learn to accept constructive criticism. That’s a tough one. We all hate hearing things we can improve, but how would you ever improve without hearing them? The people giving constructive criticism usually have your best interest in mind, too.

(22) Random acts of kindness. Who’s had a cup of coffee paid for by the time they get up to the drive-thru window? By far, one of the best feelings. Do these things for others. Make someone’s day. You never know how much it could mean.

(23) Mistakes are a part of life. Make them. Learn from them. Wisdom comes only from making mistakes. How do you think I really pulled 23 life lessons out of my ass? I didn’t. I made a lot of mistakes.

 

These are only a few of the things I’ve learned thus far on my journey. I’m sure there are things I did not touch on, and things I still remain ignorant to. I’ve got plenty of time and countless mistakes that I’m sure I’ll make, but I’d like to hear about your favorite mistakes or lessons learned. If you feel inclined, leave a comment below.

To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach.” -Havelock Ellis

5 Reasons Valentine’s Day Sucks

Okay – I know what you’re thinking. Another bitter chick bitching about being single. Don’t get me wrong, we all know I may as well have eaten a bowl of lemons; it’s quite obvious that I’m bitter as hell. But please, read on, because that’s not where this is going.

Let’s put aside the fact that I’ve experienced multiple failed relationships (we’ll go into that later) in the past 5 years, and consider a few facts here:

1. Valentine’s Day is corny as hell.

I mean seriously..read the cards. It’s been a while since I was forced to celebrate this horrid holiday, so correct me if you’ve been successful in finding a card that doesn’t make you want to throw up.

2. Unoriginal.

That basically says it all. But for those of you who don’t know what that word means, I’ll expand.

Think outside the freakin’ red roses. Do something creative, something that’s less cliche. And I don’t mean go out and spend all of your money on a Tiffany’s bracelet. BE DIFFERENT. If we’re in a relationship (figuratively speaking), I’d like to celebrate OUR love with something unique, something personal. Not the same “I Love You” teddy bear that millions of other girls got.

3. That awkward new relationship.

“Do I get her something?” “What if he spends more than I do?” “What’s an appropriate gift for ‘we’re just getting to know each other’?”

Or that awkward moment when your potential partner got you something, and it slipped your mind. Woops. Sucks to suck.

4. The miscommunication.

Gents, how about when your lady friend says “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything…” And then she flips shit when all you got her was a card.. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience here – I’ve been THAT girl. Even if you have to default to the corny gifts, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT do absolutely nothing. As much as we say we don’t care, we’re lying.

5. You’re undervaluing your relationship.

All my friends who are happily married or content in their warm and fuzzy relationships, I’m not saying you guys aren’t absolutely PERFECT together… I’m not trying to get a bunch of hate mail for a V-Day post.

What I’m trying to say is this: If this is the one day a year that you’re celebrating your relationship, you’re doing it wrong. A functional, healthy, successful relationship should be celebrated 365 days of the year. Now, I’m not trying to say she needs a damn bear every single day. That’s just unrealistic, and kind of creepy.. It’s just that there are so many dysfunctional relationships these days, that if you’ve got a good one, that’s something you should celebrate as often as possible. Make sure you don’t forget how special it is to have this person in your life, and don’t take your relationship for granted. Because there are people like me, who can’t control their gag reflex from January 1st thru February 14th every time they turn on the radio, or walk into the grocery store.

 

I know you’re sitting there, thinking to yourself “Wow, no wonder she’s single.” Let me clear that up for you… I’m single because I choose to be single. At this point in my life, I don’t want to commit to another human being, and that’s my choice. But I must mention that I’d feel the exact same way if I did have a special someone.

Now that I’ve gotten THAT off my chest, I’m gonna go stress eat, hang out with my cat, and finish frosting my Valentine cupcakes. That’s about as festive as I get.