I’ve received quite a few requests for advice over the past month or so while I’ve been MIA. This one actually helped me to wake up a little bit.
“Why don’t you blog any more? I know you don’t commit yourself to blogging regularly…but I was definitely looking forward to a new post about something clever or relatable.”
Dear Miss Anticipation,
I am completely flattered by your submission and I want to start off by apologizing to you. I am so grateful to know that there are people out there who want to hear what I have to say, and I’m sorry I’ve taken some extended time off from my blog.
To explain myself, you need to know that I’ve been dealing with some heavy things in my personal life. Normally, I love to talk things out; that’s how I get through rough times. For some reason, this time, in dealing with all my stress, I’ve sort of stepped back and tried to deal with it internally; I think this was a huge mistake and caused me to lose myself and my strength for a bit.
I won’t go into full detail, but I am currently in the process of signing my first lease – I’ll be (FINALLY!) moving out of my parents’ house. This is a big step for me. Those that know me know that the last time I attempted to move out of my parents’ house, was when my anxiety got the best of me, and I ended up quitting my job, leaving college, and going DEFCON 1. Going into apartment searching and making the commitment, I thought I’d be completely fine. I mean, I’m much better at handling my stress these days…
Shortly after making the commitment to sign the lease, I found out my job may be in jeopardy. Keep in mind, there are minute details that cause my stress level to fluctuate. Any little thing takes a lot of energy for me to process. When you stack everything up, and put it on my plate, I go into full melt down mode. My stress level causes me to be unable to focus, and therefore, not putting my all into my daily responsibilities at work and in my personal life.
In addition, a few weeks ago, I learned that my dad was considering moving out of state to find work. I’ve mentioned this breifly in previous posts, but my father has had some struggles over the past few years. After leaving a company he’d worked at for 25 years, he decided to start his own business. A few years after that, when the economy went south, he lost the business, and has since gotten a degree in education to be a high school math teacher. This didn’t pan out the way we had planned, and he is currently trying to find a job in his area of expertise – which is construction. In Arizona, the opportunities just are not there. He’s tried for months to find openings, but he’s marketing skills that the economy here is not willing to pay for. Seeing his struggle, the stress it puts on my family, causes me to carry this, myself.
My father just made it official the other day that he would be planning on moving to Idaho – where a lot of my family lives, to pursue work there. I am elated and so proud of this decision, because I do think it will be best for my family. But with my anxiety, I spend a lot of time worrying about not being able to spend time with him. He’s my buddy. I’ll miss him dearly, but for some reason, when he broke the news, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.
All of this, my personal issues, in dealing with processing so many things all at once, is part of a learning experience. It’s helping me grow, helping me to be a stronger person. I’m a huge believer in “everything happens for a reason.” And all of this needed to happen so that I could learn to exercise strength, and better handle stress.
With all of that being said, you must know that I didn’t mean to avoid my blog. In fact, I think my blog would have provided an escape. But dealing with these things all at once, also exhausts me. I shied away because I don’t like being vulnerable, and all of this is a very touchy subject for me, so please be gentle, and try not to judge.
I’m dealing the best I know how, and I will make a commitment to post more often, and to address the people who have asked me for advice. While I may not commit to a certain number of posts per month, please know that this is my passion, my escape. This is what I’m good at, and what I want to get better at. Writing is my calling; the best thing I can do. And if I can help others while helping myself, that’s all I’ll ever need.
I want to thank all of my loyal readers, yet again, for the overwhelming support and for your patience in me, during this difficult time.
I went to Sedona yesterday, to find my happy place, and to center myself. I can safely say that I’m back, and I will be posting here soon. I have a lot of ideas, a ton of inspiration, and plenty of advice to share with you all.
Thank you, again.